Really low tonight. | elwing's Blog

 There's... Stuff going on. Lots and lots of stuff. Far too much stuff. And, of course, no one in my household lifts a goddamned finger to GET THINGS GOING, which... Leaves me feeling desperately overwhelmed, so I don't do anything. Fuck.

We NEED to get our shit moved outta here, and into the trailer. We NEED to tell my dad to STFU, because we're buying the trailer and that's it. As soon as my medicade card gets here, I'll be able to get my prescription for lexapro refilled... 

And, of course, in addition to all this shit, my hard drive went kaput last night. Luckily, we sorta saw it coming and were able to backup most of my stuff, but now that I'm using a different operating system and a different hard drive (an extra one we had), everything's so different. Had a helluva time getting all my passwords back. Wasn't able to save ANY of my bookmarks. 

Oh. And my fiance has been 'on the fritz' the last couple of days. He *finally* told me what's up today, but, the fact that he lets it get to him this long and that he's potentially letting it ruin all of our plans really pisses me off. I love him, but unfortunately for some reason anger is one of my main responses for everything. 

My dad's probably going to be here this weekend... He keeps 'mentioning' that we'd better not be 'buying that fucking trailer' because he'll be pissed and we'll regret it and all this retarded bull... Oh. And he's dropped once or twice that he's somehow gotten the idea that my mom (They're divorced) is going to be retiring in a year or two and will need someone to take over the resturaunt. 

I'm to the point now that though my son is a major agressor, (As far as stress in my life goes) that he's the only thing keeping me from downing a bottle of random pills this evening. Kiddo keeps telling me that I'm fired.

NO. I am NOT going to do it. But I refuse to pretend that I haven't had thoughts about doing it. 

My fiance is probably going to Colorado for a couple months... $28/hr and $120 per diem (a day) is *REALLY* nice looking right now, despite the distance. I dunno. He's also considering a job here locally, working for the Blue Bunny factory. That's only $12/hr though... I could work for Apple, as tech support (through Stream). I got a call saying they'd take me, they'd love to have me even. That'd be $10/hr at least, for me... And I'd *really* love to have a job again... Though it wouldn't leave me with as much time to keep up with the house and my crafty stuff. And I don't know who I'd get to sit Kiddo... I mean, the drive TO work would be like, 45 minutes, so its pretty far away, and then paying for a sitter... Full time, even, would $10/hr be worth it? If I have to pay for gas and a sitter? If (IFIFIF) our roomie and I could get the *exact* same schedule, that'd be awesome, because then that'd be a LOT less trips in that direction, a lot less gas, and with him paying half gas that'd help... 

Someone tell me what to do, please? I'm so freaking lost, here. I've been on the verge of tears most of the day, and half of the day I thought I was going to throw up because I was so stressed. I need some serious help here.