I'm horrible... | elwing's Blog

Alright... So a few weeks ago, my fiance and I ended up having to sign up for state assistance. With him out of work, and everything, we needed it. But, in order to get the help we needed, I have to start going to this 'class'... I'm not even sure exactly what it is, but apparently its either supposed to help me get a job, or to help me work for myself or something. I dunno. I'll find more out when I take the class, because really they aren't very descriptive about it...

The class starts tomorrow.

I don't want to go.

I'm scared. Its been quite a while since I've been in such a social situation all by myself. I feel a bit like an idiot. I mean, I couldn't take care of myself and now that's why I'll be there, right? *Sigh*

If I knew or could afford someone to help me apply for a grant or two, I might possibly be able to get up the $ to start my own business. I'm horrible. I'm going to have enough work on my hands keeping a business up, should I ever run one. Why would I want to have to work to be able to get the business up and running? LOL. God, I'm awful. I really am. 

All I want to do is bead. Be a stay at home mom. Sew. Write. Read. Draw. Be creative. Make things that're pretty... Make things that're so ugly they're trendy. Just... BE and MAKE and DO. How in the hell does that fit into having a business? How am I supposed to sell any of my jewelry? Ebay didn't work, and Etsy's just the same as Ebay, but with a smaller client base.

I don't want to go tomorrow. I don't. I'm absolutely terrified. You should have seen me, when I went in there the first time for the original meeting... The place is inside a college. I had to walk through a college building to get there. The place is a maze. I had to ask like, four students for directions. I felt like such an idiot. And now I have to go back. Find my way to a DIFFERENT room. Be all by myself in a group of people I don't know.

Why is this so terrifying? Seriously? I shouldn't be scared, but I am.